Assertive people make the world go ‘around. They are the ones who get ahead – it’s always been that way and it likely always will be. The reason? Assertive people aren’t afraid of sharing their opinions, they aren’t afraid to ask for what they need, and they aren’t scared to demand their wants are met.
It sounds easy, doesn’t it?
The problem is that being assertive isn’t always easy – and for some people, it just looks like it comes so easy to others. If you are one of those people, it doesn’t come easy to – that’s okay because it’s a skill you can learn. In fact, learning the skill of being assertive is one of the biggest keys to personal empowerment.
Let’s start at the beginning.
Assertiveness is confidence or self-assuredness, without aggression. It’s considered a mode of communication, and it’s also classed as a learnable skill. That simply means that anyone can develop assertiveness by building on their natural communication style.
You have unique skills and strengths, and you can leverage those to build an assertive communication style. You can also use those skills and strengths to weed out self-sabotage, to receive criticism, complaints, and feedback without immediately reacting, and you can use it to persuade others when communicating your ideas and opinions. It is a really important skill.
There are four main communication methods – assertive, passive, passive-aggressive, and aggressive. The benefit of assertiveness is clear communication without humiliating, degrading, or dominating someone else while you converse. Think of it as respectful communication even when it is difficult to do.
It comes from having a higher self-esteem that equips you with respect for yourself and others. When you learn how to communicate assertively, that assertiveness spreads to every area of your life. It changes the way you carry yourself. It allows for most of your relationships to improve, especially your relationship to self!
One of the important benefits of assertiveness is that you are holding yourself accountable and taking responsibility – for both your actions and your needs. So, what does it take to build assertiveness? Self-confidence and self-control. Both of those will help you establish healthier relationships, make you more productive, and give you a greater chance of building success.
When you are in a situation where your needs are being trampled or your rights are endangered, how do you react? What is your impulse? Do you deal with it passively, are you passive-aggressive or downright aggressive? It can be hard to respond appropriately when emotions are running high.
This is so important to learn. When we use the communication method of passive, we are unknowingly teaching others to treat us badly and it only gets worse the longer we react that way. When we are passive-aggressive it is unclear and damaging and creates more problems and does not get our needs met often making things much worse not better. When we respond aggressively it shuts down communication and things do not get delt with.
This is why it’s so important to build assertiveness when things are great because you can instill that within yourself and draw on it when you’re stressed out or struggling. Rather than slipping into an unhealthy protective reaction.
If you want to work to be more assertive and empower yourself, you can set clear goals that will help you get there. In the workplace, you can understand your role and job description and stand up for yourself when people try to push you into taking on tasks that aren’t within your realm.
At home, you can reduce the amount of passive, passive-aggressive, or aggressive behavior you rely on to communicate with your family and practice being more assertive. You can address any distorted beliefs you hold about yourself which may be preventing you from assertiveness. You can also work on building your self-confidence in general, and particularly in your relationships.
There is such a benefit to broadening your social skills and developing your communication method to assertiveness. Learning how to say no when you mean no and stick to it and yes when you mean yes and stick to it, can be a powerful tool in building assertiveness. If you don’t have time, say no, if it doesn’t work for you say no. People respect a clear message even when they don’t like it. The truth is when you really do what is truly best for you in any situation it is best for everyone else even if they don’t like it.
If you don’t want to, say no! It’s something you can do every day. In fact, you could make a point of saying no at least once a day, rather than giving in to the whims and wants of others which can lead to being exhausted.
