Your thoughts shape your reality. The way you talk to yourself—your inner dialogue—can either lift you up or tear you down. And here’s something most people don’t realize: your brain is wired to prove you right.
Deep within your brain is something called the Reticular Activating System (RAS)—a powerful filter that acts like a matchmaker, seeking out proof of what you already believe. Ever notice that when you’re thinking about buying a new car, you suddenly see that exact make and model everywhere? That’s your RAS in action.
Now, here’s where it gets interesting. Your RAS is doing this all the time—not just with cars, but with everything you think and believe about yourself and your life. If you’ve been telling yourself:
❌ “People always treat me badly.”
❌ “I’m not lovable.”
❌ “I’m not good enough.”
Your RAS will actively search for proof to confirm those beliefs, reinforcing negative self-talk and keeping you stuck.
But here’s the good news—you can train your brain to work FOR you instead of against you.
When you shift your focus to confidence, success, gratitude, and happiness, your RAS will start matching that, too!
The problem isn’t the problem—it’s focusing on the problem, talking about the problem, and feeling bad about the problem that keeps it alive.
So, how do you break free from negative self-talk, build confidence, and rewire your mind for success? Follow these steps.
Step 1: Become Aware of Your Self-Talk
Most people don’t even realize they’re talking to themselves all day long. But your mind is constantly running an inner narrative—commenting, judging, analyzing.
Start paying attention to what you say to yourself. Are your thoughts encouraging, or do they lean toward criticism and doubt? If you struggle with confidence, chances are, you’ve been feeding yourself a steady diet of negative self-talk without even realizing it.
Common negative self-talk examples:
❌ “I can’t believe I messed that up. I’m such an idiot.”
❌ “I’ll never succeed at this. Why even try?”
❌ “I’m not good enough.”
❌ “No one cares what I have to say.”
Action Step: Carry a small notebook or use the notes app on your phone. Every time you catch yourself thinking something negative, jot it down. Awareness is the first step to change.
Step 2: Ask Yourself—Do I Want My RAS to Match This?
Now that you’re aware of your self-talk, it’s time to challenge it. Every time you catch yourself thinking something negative, stop and ask yourself:
👉 “Do I really want my brain to match this belief?”
If the answer is no (which it usually will be), you get to choose a better thought.
Your RAS is always listening—so if you keep feeding it empowering thoughts, it will start looking for proof of those instead.
Step 3: Use the Power of “BUT” to Shift Your Focus
Here’s a powerful trick to ease into more positive thinking—use the word “BUT.”
The magic of “BUT” is that it negates everything that comes before it—meaning your brain only registers what comes after.
For example:
❌ “I don’t feel like I’m accomplishing what I want.”
✅ “BUT I can feel that shifting, and I’m ready to change.”
❌ “I’ve been feeling stuck.”
✅ “BUT I have hope that things are changing.”
❌ “That didn’t go the way I wanted.”
✅ “BUT I can learn from that.”
Your RAS only hears what’s after the “BUT”—so the more you use this technique, the more your brain will start matching positive, empowering thoughts.
Step 4: Lean Into Your Strengths and Set Yourself Up for Success
Nothing boosts confidence like small wins—because success fuels more success.
The more confident you are before you take action, the more likely you are to succeed. And each success gives you more confidence, creating a powerful feedback loop that keeps you growing.
But what do you do when you’re struggling with self-confidence in the first place? You set yourself up to succeed.
How to Start Setting Yourself Up for Success:
1️⃣ Identify what you’re already good at. Make a list of things you enjoy and excel at—big or small. Write them down.
2️⃣ Pick one strength that excites you. Find something on your list that you love and would like to do more of.
3️⃣ Challenge yourself with a small, achievable goal. If you’re a runner, don’t sign up for a marathon—start with a 5K. If you love writing, don’t aim for a novel overnight—start with a short blog post.
4️⃣ Focus on progress, not perfection. Each small success builds momentum and rewires your brain to expect success—which is key for long-term confidence.
5️⃣ Use the Power of “BUT” to Reframe Setbacks. Every challenge is an opportunity to grow. If something doesn’t go as planned, shift your perspective: ❌ “I failed.” ✅ “BUT I learned something valuable, and I’ll do even better next time.”
Step 5: Feel Good First, Then Take Intentional Action
The secret to success, happiness, and confidence isn’t just in thinking differently—it’s in feeling good first.
When you think and say things that make you feel good, you activate:
✔️ Better intuition—so you can make clearer, wiser decisions.
✔️ More creativity—so you find solutions and opportunities more easily.
✔️ Higher energy and motivation—so taking action feels natural and exciting.
✔️ Stronger connections—so you attract the right people into your life.
When you feel good, you align with what you truly desire, and your actions become more inspired, intentional, and productive.
Final Thoughts: You Have the Power to Rewire Your Brain
Your Reticular Activating System is always listening, always working behind the scenes to prove you right.
So why not train it to match confidence, success, and happiness?
✨ Become aware of your self-talk.
✨ Ask yourself if you want your RAS to match that thought.
✨ Use “BUT” to shift your focus.
✨ Set yourself up for success with small wins.
✨ Feel good first, then take inspired action.
When you change your inner dialogue, you change your life. Your brain is your most powerful tool—start using it to your advantage today. 💙
