Have you ever experienced a nagging thought that just wouldn’t seem to go away, no matter how hard you tried to think about something else or ignore it? These unpleasant thoughts can be incredibly distracting, and they also have a more insidious side when they trigger negative self-talk. Consider these common types of nagging thoughts that directly relate to negative self-talk. Are you doing any of these to yourself because they can really cause self-doubt and rob you of your happiness.
1) “Everything must be perfect in my life, no matter what.”
Engaging in perfectionist behavior and thinking can lead to negative self-talk. Wanting everything to be great and perfect in your life is a natural desire, but actually achieving perfection simply isn’t realistic. Perfection in and of itself is imperfect! Nobody on Earth is perfect–yourself included. Allowing yourself to believe that everything must be flawless and any imperfection is a failure or a reflection of personal inadequacy is a dangerously slippery slope that can lead to a lot of harmful self-talk.
Example: Sarah spends hours making sure her presentation is flawless, but when she notices a tiny typo after presenting, she berates herself for being careless and feels like the entire presentation was a failure.
How to change it:
- Self-Compassion: “It’s okay to make mistakes; everyone does. This doesn’t define my entire presentation.”
- Positive Reframing: ” Despite the typo, the presentation was still informative and well-received.”
- Growth Mindset: “I’ll learn from this and look to see what went well and what can be improved.”
2) “I wish I could be like that other person.”
Nagging thoughts that cause you to compare yourself to someone else can lead to lots of negative self-talk. When you compare yourself to someone else and see yourself as the “lesser” person, you can easily fall into a pattern of talking negatively about yourself. Constantly comparing yourself to others, feeling inferior or inadequate when you perceive others as more successful, attractive, or accomplished can be super damaging to your self-esteem.
Example: John sees his colleague getting praised for their work and thinks, “I’ll never be as good as them,” leading him to feel inadequate and criticizing his own abilities.
How to change it:
- Self-Compassion: “It’s natural to compare ourselves to others, and each of us has our own value that we bring to the table.”
- Positive Reframing: “I have my own strengths and achievements that are equally important.”
- Growth Mindset: “I can observe what they do well and learn from them to improve my own skill set.”
3) “There’s no way I can do that right.”
Questioning your abilities, talents, or decisions, and believing that you’re not capable enough or deserving of success is an easy way to fall into bad, negative self-talk patterns. When you’re constantly hard on yourself and doubting yourself, you begin to make yourself believe that these nagging thoughts are actually the truth.
Example: Emily is asked to lead a project at work, but she constantly thinks, “I’m not good enough for this,” which makes her doubt every decision she makes and feel anxious about her performance.
How to change it:
- Self-Compassion: “It’s okay to feel a little nervous; it shows that I care about doing a good job.”
- Positive Reframing: “I’ve been chosen to lead this project because my team believes in my capabilities.”
- Growth Mindset: “This is an opportunity for me to grow and develop new skills.”
4) “I already know something bad is going to happen.”
Catastrophizing is the act of assuming the worst-case scenarios, imagining exaggerated negative outcomes, and believing that things will inevitably go wrong–even when you have zero evidence that these bad situations are likely to happen. These nagging thoughts are borne out of anxiety and fear, and if you allow them to continue, they can cause you to engage in excessive negative self-talk.
Example: Mark is preparing for a job interview and keeps thinking, “They’re not going to like me, and I’ll never get this job,” even though he has all the qualifications and experience needed.
How to change it:
- Self-Compassion: “It’s normal to feel a bit apprehensive about interviews; many people do.”
- Positive Reframing: “I have prepared well and have the qualifications they are looking for. If this is the right job for me, I will get it”
- Growth Mindset: “Each interview is a learning experience that helps me improve my interview skills.”
5) “Because something bad happened to me once before, I already know it’s going to happen again.”
Overgeneralization is the act of drawing broad conclusions based on limited or isolated incidents, such as believing that one mistake defines your entire character or that failure in one area means failure in all areas of life. When you allow overgeneralizing thoughts to constantly nag at you, you may find yourself engaging in more negative self-talk.
Example: Laura failed an exam once and now, every time she has to take a test, she thinks, “I’m going to fail again,” even if she has studied thoroughly and is well-prepared.
How to change it:
- Self-Compassion: “You are ready, you have prepared, you can do this!”
- Positive Reframing: “There is no such thing as failure only feedback and learning.”
- Growth Mindset: “Each test is an opportunity to demonstrate my knowledge and improve my skills.”
6) “Everything is bad. Nothing is ever going to be good for me.”
Focusing solely on negative aspects or perceived failures while dismissing or minimizing positive experiences or accomplishments is another dangerous type of nagging thought to have. If these kinds of thoughts go on too long, they can lead to excessive negative self-talk that attacks your ability to enjoy life.
Example: Tom had a few bad days at work and now he feels, “Nothing ever goes right for me,” disregarding the fact that he has had many successful projects in the past.
How to change it:
- Self-Compassion: “It’s okay to have bad days; It is important to remember there are good days too!”
- Positive Reframing: “I’ve had many successes in my career, and these few bad days, make me want to create more good ones.”
- Growth Mindset: “I can learn from these challenges and find ways to improve the situation. There is always a solution to every challenge!”
7) “This is all my fault.”
Nagging thoughts that cause you to believe everything is your responsibility–even things that are far beyond your ability to control–are another common cause of negative self-talk. When you allow these kinds of negative thoughts to continue, it’s easy to believe that you’re totally at fault.
Example: Anna’s team did not meet their quarterly goals, and although many factors were out of her control, she thinks, “I should have done more. It’s all my fault,” and feels responsible for the entire team.
How to change it:
- Self-Compassion: “It’s important to remember that many factors contribute to the outcome; I am only one part of it.”
- Positive Reframing: “I did my best and contributed positively to the team effort.”
- Growth Mindset: “This is an opportunity; I can analyze what happened and work with my team to improve our strategy for the next quarter.”
The Bottom Line
No matter what type of nagging thought you’re experiencing, it’s important to recognize when you’re experiencing a negative thought pattern and challenge them by practicing self-compassion, positive reframing, and adopting a growth mindset. The key step in stopping your nagging thoughts from turning into negative self-talk is to learn how to identify and then shut them down.
By consistently applying self-compassion, positive reframing, and a growth mindset to each situation, you can transform negative self-talk into constructive and positive thought patterns.
